There comes a period in life when you start to wonder why you ever did all those things in the first place. Or why I'm still doing them. I thought I was done with being involved in societies and committees and all that. First year come second year come third. I vowed SingSoc was the last I'd touch. Then fencing needed help. I went to help, but on the condition that I'd only do what my job requires and nothing more. Then ICMUN, the little infant it was, needed help too. As a future housemate of all the inaugural committee members, I was obliged to do something. But this is not what I signed up for. I did not think then, that I'd put in my all, and at this moment I know I've not been putting my best efforts into this.

There comes a period in time when you get sick of all this commitment and responsibility and work. I'm not exactly sick of it, but I am tired of it and I have become numbed. It's like I do the same thing year after year - for how many years? Since sec school? - but for different purposes and with different people in different places. mUN@IC is coming real soon - it's upon us this weekend - and recently we've been holding publicity stints. Booths around college, giving out flyers and brainwashing passer-bys. Before I'd reach out to the people like it'll get me the Best Salesman Award or something, but now I'd rather sit behind the desk doing Sudoku or chat absentmindedly with friends. Not only because I doubt the success of our first major intracollegiate conference (I know, that's bad, that's really bad, but it's really discouraging. And ever since last year's pulling-off of SingSoc's major event, I take to the Easy Way Out like a courageous-less mouse) but truth be told, it's because I can't really be bothered anymore.

When my dad said he might be coming to London in January, I said that I wasn't sure if I'd be free. When a friend asked if I'd be free for lunch on a weekend, I wasn't sure if I'd be free. SingSoc's gonna have trip to Birmingham soon and I'm not sure if I'd be free. Natural History Museum WLG's asking me to volunteer on blah^th the Saturday and I had to reply with I wasn't sure if I'd be free. Goodness man, I wasn't sure why I won't be free either. On some dates I know I have events and activities which I couldn't just shrug off, and when I don't have activities, I won't be free 'cos I want the time for myself. I want to be not doing something for once. Gone are the weekends when I was able to laze about at home. Now there isn't a single weekend when I've just bummed about doing nothing.

There comes a time in life when you just wished you had no obligations, no nothing, to anyone, anywhere. No deadlines to meet, no budgets to keep to, no dates to set, no people to recruit, no posters or tickets to design, no to-do lists to draw, no emails to read and reply to (yes, I'm sorry, my email reply rate recently has been at an all-time low), no documents to print, no Union to deal with, no meetings to attend, no late nights to owl away with...

I want to finish that book, watch those TVB serials, read my texts and papers, do some research, have some cereal, edit some photos and clean my fish tanks.

posted by Husky @ 1/17/2006 07:02:00 AM  |