:: talfryn.net ::

London Games today. Oversaw the floorball matches. Lots of things to say, but am too... 累... Imperial won all their matches... came out tops... well done team... :)

Somebody said I speak Mandarin like a Hongkie.
And somebody thought I was from Canada.
And soon I'm gonna be picking up some Danish and Swedish.

Packing clothes for a trip in countries with weather forecasts that dictate a horrendous range of freezing cold + warmish temperatures is so annoying... dunno what to pack... Viv is fretting too...

One more hour to sleep...
Before we go to Copenhagen...
(I hope my fishies'll alright with Lu)
For a few days before we go to Stockholm...
For a few more days before returning back to London...
For one more night before I go back to Singapore...
For a month or so of holidays...
For which my timetable is still not ascertained...

Amar came round this evening... just left... yes... at this hour... got him to play a bit of WoW... lol...

Lighten up folks! Take care, enjoy the hols. To those in S'pore - I'll be back on the 29th. To those in Sydney - hmm... won't be visiting anytime soon. Hang in there, shall restart the adco-forums when I get back.

Jag vet inte, but I think I've gone 疯了!

Heehee...

Ok ok... no wonder. SIA UK's central office is in Glasgow, Scotland.

Arrghh Scottish accent.

I'm on the phone with an SIA representative and I've got no idea what she's saying... and she doesn't understand what I want either... so now she's putting me on hold while she asks for her supervisor...

... who also happens to be Scottish.

"How are you going to survive during the one-week trip?"

Fidel was referring to WoW.

I dunno.

I shall suffer horribly from withdrawal symptoms.

This game... is seriously... detrimental to my mental and social and physical well-being.

Fortunately (or unfortunately) for me, there's not much time to be spent at my laptop tomorrow - errands here and there, our last SingSoc meeting proper, and social stuff at night - and the day after, when London Games is upon us.

And come Sunday morn... we leave for Denmark.

Darn. Still gotta settle my London-S'pore flight schedules. Darn.

At least the politics exam on Monday went really well, and just now I managed to finish my 4-page field trip report in under three hours.

Rrright... just trying to comfort myself.

*sheepish*

Somebody... something... stop me...

Meet Darwin and Wallace, although I'm still not sure which is which. A little burden of responsibility endowed upon by the biologists. They're doing fine, and already they look a little bigger than when I first got them.

As expected, I'm doing little else besides gaming since my papers ended. So far I haven't seen anything as addictive as World of Warcraft. The erratic connection at Emperor's Gate is quite annoying though. Can't play a fully-online game properly when the connection gets cut every 5-10 minutes or so. Bah. The latency rate is an astounding 5-digit ms at times. No wonder I keep dying without knowing what hit me.

M-Nite was simply wicked. Bravo folks! Read Marv's entry for praises. I'm lazy to think up creative phrases.

Mind's boggled with political theories. Everything I've remembered will be in the recycle bin come tomorrow arvo. Come tomorrow arvo... I'll be free... for... 2 months. Prolly should start drawing up some sorta plan for next week. If I still have any life left after getting it hooked on WoW (when I finally get my hands on it).

Still thinking if I should work during the holidays. Temping for NParks... at none other than my 'second home' Sungei Buloh. Pay's quite pathetic, it's a fair distance to travel everyday, I mightn't get to do what I'd like to do... but I know all the staff there, so the working environment's gotta be good. Depends on what I wanna get outta these hols I guess.

Low tides... oh please let there be more low tides... intertidal trips!

Chasing tails

And so it went... that I ran after all.

It's one of those things which you know you might not want to do yet feel compelled to do it, and one of those things which you are trying to escape from but yet can't afford to let go. You can't decide for yourself, so you let the factors decide for you.

I was decided when I went for the Fencing Club AGM and elections tonight. I told myself that I'll only run for a position if certain conditions were met... if, and only if, they were really in dire need of people for the comm.

Listening to the President's address and committee reports, it seems like the Club does need some help and some brave souls to try to get things back together again. Like what the VP said, "...the current committee has failed, I must admit. We've failed miserably in our roles." Throughout the season for almost every match, the women's team had difficulty in getting people down for matches. The captain's nonexistent, morale is low, and women's 1sts have been doing so crappily that the current committee had almost wanted to withdraw the team from the league; they saw no profit from lavishing great sums to fund the team. They proposed to enter a men's 2nd, for the men's 1st have been performing brilliantly and came up tops since... many years ago, and more promising fencers are wanting to fence competitively. In the end, with the girls yelling "sexist!" at the President and a team member violently objecting to the motion, they managed to keep the 1sts, but they'd no longer have the full financial backing of the Club. :|

Reports... budgeting the upcoming fiscal year... discussions and debates... general elections... short speeches... jokes... silences... concerned faces. There are still holes in the committee. The position of Armourer was removed, since it's been a ghost spot for the past couple of years. With a few reshuffles and recycling of old committee members, the appointment of that one outspoken women's team member as the new captain, and leaving a few gaps in the hierarchy, the AGM came to a close.

So Publicity Officer it is. Here I go again...

Why??

Resource management field trip

We went to the Wildlife Trust's Warburg Reserve, near Reading, about an hour and a half's coach drive away NW of London.

Grasslands, shrublands, and woodlands. I guess that's it. Brown... brown... everywhere you look, it's either yellowish-green or brown... and there's lots of poo. Sheep dung, pony dung, rabbit scat. Couldn't help not stepping into any... reminded me of the 1st-year field course at Shropshire, 'cept that thank goodness, this time, hiking boots replaced the loathed Wellies.

We followed the chief warden as he brought us around the 107-hectare reserve. In the initial drizzle we jotted down notes - with smudging ink - about their on-site habitat management practices, how the sheep and ponies were used for land grazing, how the deer and goats kept shrubs in check, how grey squirrels competed with dormice for hazelnuts, and basically a whole lot of the general management of the reserve - when the needs of public access and participation may well conflict with the aims of conservation.

Temperate habitats are boring and they seem so empty and cold. I guess I'm too used to the high diversity of flora and fauna found in the tropics. Did what I loved... photography in the outdoors. Kept me happy for a while, even though the subjects where kinda drab. I love the outdoors... I love the wilderness, where not a single manmade structure can be found in sight.

Wildlife-wise... it's not that impressive. A few lacewings, some midgety flies, an orb-web spider, a few red kites and pheasants (a lifer!), and the normal garden birds.

I admire the enthusiasm and strength of my course convenor. She's ~5 months expecting, and yet she tackles the uphill treks and the uneven slopes with as much zest as the rest of the undergrads (if not more).

About to cross the massive plains of grassland

Sheep... a management tool :P

Typical lowland woodland habitat

Moss... about the only green thing to be seen

Attended another famous person's talk tonight. w00t! This time it's a non-scientist, for he started and ended his lecture right on time. It's none other than the author of A short history of nearly everything, fast becoming the most popular layman's science book and the preferred textbook for many a schoolchild-scientist-wannabe. The Chair said that he broke the record for having the most number of people who had to be turned away for a public lecture (these talks are on a first-come-first-serve basis), hehe.

Blurp from the Royal Society website:

"Bill Bryson, acclaimed author and winner of the 2004 Aventis Prize for Science Books , will talk about how, in his biggest book, he confronted his greatest challenge yet: to understand -and, if possible, answer - the oldest, biggest questions we have posed about the universe and ourselves. Bill will relay stories from his quest to find out such an array of strange and amazing facts which range from the moment of the Big Bang to the rise of civilisation."

His talk will soon be made available in the Royal Society's online video library.

Did you know that a tenth of the weight of the average-age pillow is composed of mites, mite dung, dead mites, and dead skin? Hahaa... not sure why, but that's the only thing I can remember from his talk at the mo. Oh, and the universe is very big. And... pah, go read his book!

Hmm...

To run or not to run??

13 hours to decide...

wHo0 HOo!!

Enter Krisflyer Elite Gold... yeah! No more worries about excess baggage. Keeping this up will be tiring man. Hate flying.

Just had my last lecture for the term... some guest speaker from parliament talking about housing, politics, policy and resource management. Field trip, biodiversity conference, politics paper, then... freedom!!

Easter hols plans this year - we're going to Sweden and Denmark. Lalalaa...

Darn, my turn to cook tonight. Bleh.

A quieter week... finally.

After the hecticitiy that was the last two weeks... this week's slower pace is a welcomed change. Time to refocus on acadmemics. One ecological management report down on Monday, biodiversity conference preparations on Tues and Wed, a field trip on Thursday (plus the Bill Bryson talk), and conference presentations on Friday. Politics exam next week - ecological topics aside, it's time to hammer in Plato and Aristotle and Marx and Rousseau and Thatcher and Blair and all the rest of the Deep Stuff.

Current msn nick: gobbledygookness. For I'm full of gobbledygook these days.

Thanks for tonight guys. Though that one particular gift was kinda expected (I mean *ahem* we know who planned everything anyway :P) I didn’t really expect it when it came. Thanks for the goldfish… wish me better luck with them… (maybe the 20-year-old me would do a better job than the 14-year-old?) And… for the Lore of Averages… *hug*… a simple thing but it says lots. Also… to my mom and dad and sis *big hugs!* for the big box of assorted goodies, big-eyed dog and the misadventured balloon. Darn a change in the first digit makes me feel so old… goodbye to teenagedom! Ouch that hurt the ears. :P

Too many thoughts going round in my head, and it’s not because of that essay-post I wrote earlier.

After going for LSE MSS Nite last night, we went to the halls for Lianglong’s birthday celebration. It was a wild night… a guys’ night… with drinks, lots of taupoking and wrestling. Many incidents throughout that night made me rethink my values and ideals, and those of others, and it also highlighted more boldly the line drawn between girls and guys… as in… the limit to the sort of activities that we’d be willing to engage in. I suppose not having been in the army, and being a girl, these things… this culture… is kind of difficult to accept. But the surprising thing is hearing that these things happen not just in the army, which is understandable, but in schools and junior colleges too. It’s not only the actions themselves that disturb me, but rather the lack of the moral principles involved. Some are not bothered by such incidents at all, some are fully into it, and some – a rare few and it’s usually the girls – simply observe and shake their heads. But it’s all in the name of good fun, and I daresay the guys did enjoy themselves.

I have grown to be a weaker person since I came… putting aside, or ignoring, or overstepping my own beliefs and ideals… some of them anyway… and I attribute it to peer pressure. I am no longer as bold and as firm as I used to be. Sometimes, I do not show half the disgust that I feel inside… half the time it’s ‘cos I know it’ll be futile anyway, and half the time it’s a voice in my head telling me to hop in… and take it easy…

Perhaps I have been living too sheltered a life until now. Perhaps… I’m being too idealistic. I don’t know if I’m thinking too much…

Learning to fly

It is not an easy decision for a youngster to leave home to study overseas. There are so many unanswered questions, so many imagined scenarios, so many unforseen worries… but once a brave young soul decides to take that flight across the continents, his whole life undergoes a change so big it can be numbing. It will be a major turning point in his life, if not the turning point. Everything changes. Not everyone can take it at the first go… some will find it much harder to adjust and adapt than others.

Some people say that homesickness is something that you will never be totally used to. To get used to something… you will need time, and indeed time is the best cure for homesickness. I do believe it can be overcome, but only with time and strength of mind. Not everyone is made out for a living away from home at a young age.

Homesickness is more often than not caused by culture shock, and culture shock, like most other occurrences, comes in stages. No matter how much we prepare ourselves, we will feels its effects, and go through what the experts call the four main stages of intercultural adjustment. Not that we’re each one black-haired chap in a sea of Brits… we hang out with our own people, within our own comfort zones (most of use do anyway), but this isn’t what we know home to be. Nothing’s familiar anymore.

First there’s the enthusiasm phase, when you’re all feeling excited and adventurous, and expectant of new people… and new things. You want to try doing this and that, meeting new faces everywhere, and *try* to mix with the local students. You are naturally curious about anything that’s alien to us. People seem friendlier, all out to help you, and life seems promising. You plan and chart your course and feel satisfied with yourself. You feel ambitious, and a whole world of possibilities has opened its doors.

As fascination wears off, and daily life becomes more mundane and you’re settling into a steady pace, that’s when there’s a period of confusion and loss and apprehension. You start to miss the home-cooked meals, the familiar people and surroundings, and the routines which you were so used to back home. Work from studies starts piling up… there are more deadlines to meet… concepts may suddenly become more difficult to grasp and you may start to wonder if you can make it through to the end. Trivial problems will start to bug you more… when you’re stressed, discouraged, unmotivated and homesick… you snap at little things and thereafter may wonder why you did that. You enter a stage where you learn more about yourself… and reflect upon times pass and question if you being here taking in new experiences is really worth everything that you’re going through, and if it’s worth what you’re missing back home… all those ‘what ifs’ scenarios run through your mind… you just can’t help but wonder. You tell yourself that it’s not regret you’re feeling, but just… evaluating your current position and weighing the outcomes.

More time passes. You gain a greater understanding of… everything, and you vow to be a stronger you.

You try to adjust and accept things that come by your way. You learn not to expect. There’s more of a stoic resignation in the things you do. If you’re involved in a club or society, or engage in some form of sports, you might be wanting to play a bigger role… just so that you have somewhere else to concentrate your energy on. You pick a few activities to pursue, or otherwise you just try to find some quiet time to yourself when you can clear your mind of thoughts and just focus on the present. Be blank for a while. Chill. By this time you should have found your cliques of friends… and you go around visiting their rooms and halls and apartments and start doing some crazy stuff. A common bond is formed… you feel you belong somewhere… and it feels good and warm. You’re having fun.

There’s no telling how many times those stages will cycle before one finally gets used to it… it can occur over and over again, every time a new terms starts or when a significant event brings about a ‘backward’ leap.

I suppose many of us globetrotting-types face this problem. We have lived in so many places, have called so many places home (in the loose sense of the word), and we don’t know where we should say we come from anymore, since everywhere we go feels just about as familiar and alien at the same time. Even home can appear foreign after not having lived there for such a long period of time… in a joke which is called the reverse culture shock. I proudly declare that I’m Singaporean, but yet, am I truly Singaporean? I don’t naturally speak like one, much less think like one or act like one, or at least I don’t think I do. I still can get quite lost when conversing with Singaporeans, what with all the Singlish and Hokkien and all. Identity crisis? By citizenship I am a Singaporean, by birth, culture and perhaps in ideals I am a Hong Konger, by accent and by habits I am a Sydneysider, and by fact of residence I am a Londoner.

This is what we call international citizenship. It’s an honour, and it’s tough.

For me personally… I believe it took about 4 years to learn and adapt… long enough. Now I don’t think about such things… not much, anyway, and I must say I am guilty of not feeling homesick anymore… I may miss home and all, from time to time, but it no longer effects me as much. Sometimes despite my age, I feel so old. ‘Cos… it’s like I’ve been through so much, and when I speak of feelings it’s like a ‘been there, done that’ sentiment. Like an undersized ruffled owl with the appearance of a fledging.

I can identify in a number of my friends… second-years and freshers alike… the stage at which the initial enthusiasm of living overseas is dying off and the mundane reality sets in. For some… the fast-pacers who might have already gotten used to life here in London, a second wave of homesickness may have been spurred on by what their peers are feeling, and the close proximity of the Easter holidays… and the thought of going home. Talks have been straying towards their favourite local dishes from back home… places to hang out… and for guys, the army almost always finds a place in conversations, be it flaking about their subordinates or officers or sharing ghost stories.

Sure you can share worries and concerns with family and close friends and half the burden, but you know that you are able to carry the load yourself if you had to, without breaking down. All the complexities of human relationships come into play, and you learn to handle them through time. That the world’s a stage, that people are all rather selfish creatures, actually, and that man generally is not to be trusted but the certain trustworthy few you are lucky enough to discover will become the closest 'brothers and sisters' you will come to have… that not everything’s out to get you although it may seem like that sometimes, that you have to be crafty, diplomatic, shrewd, alert, perceptive, proactive, calculative, and yet sincere and warm in all your dealings with others, that life is not easy but how much you get out of it really depends on how well you can manage yourself. There comes times when you will be forced to pause and reflect on your self-worth, and who you truly are - have we lost ourselves while growing up?

Independence, and the maturity of thought that comes with it, does not come easily. Sure, doing (and in some cases learning to do) everything by myself – from the simple tasks of making my own bed or laundry, or cooking, or settling bills, or sorting out housing issues, and the other day-to-day activities of life – is no big deal and requires no big effort. But the personal growth… and experience… of doing all those things and living a life completely away from home and all its comforts… is tremendous. Psychological independence is truly gained not when you are able to survive without a doting family by your side, but when you know that you can fully rely only on yourself for everything. When you are self-sufficient. When you are in total control of your thoughts, behaviour, and will. Nothing much on the outset can influence you… not unless you allow it to. For the religious, this includes being steadfast to your faith… and knowing and acknowledging that your strength comes from God…

Downs, depression and burdens of a physical and mental nature come by every so often; they are a part and parcel of life. Everybody goes through them, but some emerge unshaken, with lessons learnt and a stronger character built, and some fall prey to its snares more easily and find it difficult to pick themselves up again. It’s how you will yourself to tackle them that makes the difference.

It’s a trial of the mind… the impressions of change is a double-edged sword.

w00t. USyd's O-Week & SWOT 2005 has started... the Sydneysiders are embarking upon their 3rd year! I wonder when I'll get to visit them again. :|

A friend and I were chatting about some stuff... and she asked me, "would you consider yourself a tomboy?"

Hmmm.

Perhaps not totally a tomboy... maybe when I was younger... but not now. Obviously not a girly-girl kind (heck please... eeks)... not one for dresses or heels or makeup or anything pinkish... I don't really care much for appearances, much to my mom's consternation ("you are a girl!"), but not exactly a tomboy either. Boyish interests yeah, computer gaming, military stuff... a fetish for swords and weapons... outdoorish pursuits... trekking, bushwalking, camping... and what are dubbed as 'warrior sports'... fencing... archery... ("yeah hehe, so violent")... sparring and wushu and such. I used to shoot at frogs with a pellet gun in my pre-teen years, but now I play with frogs and lizards and spiders and the critters that usually send girls screaming away with repulsion or in fear.

I told her that. Then she went, "so you ARE a tomboy!"

Erm... am I? I dunno... I hope not?

General Elections 2005

The time has come to pass the baton...

Boy has this year come gone by so quickly... my time and college life consumed almost entirely by SingSoc activities, though if there's one person eligible to make such a claim, it probably shouldn't be me. It was fun though, tiring and straining at times, but I'm grateful for the valuable experience gained. Now I'm just wondering how different life would be now that I'd suddenly be left with so much free time on my hands... another sweep of emptiness I suppose...

The mood and atmosphere of this year's AGM was so different from last year's. Gone were the formalities and heavy setting, the serious faces, nervous candidates and the handful of scrutinising 3rd-years in the electorate. Elections for the Liaison Officer was a bit of a worry when there were initially no runners and no clear winner after the first round of voting. I almost thought I'd have no successor... heh...

Heartiest congratulations to Raj, CW, Jiamin, Grace, Edwin, Marc, Joy, and Liangwei. The elections for some of the posts were a no-contender but that doesn't make their posts worth any less. All the best, and it was an honour and privilege to have worked with all of you for RaRa and REACH!. Hope everything works out. This is one formidable team... and I can only anticipate what new spirit they can bring to SingSoc.

The 22nd and 23rd ICSS ExCo members
But here's still London Games and some loose ends to tie up.

After that...

Husky out.

Birthdays everywhere...
Celebrated Aunty Xiao's birthday in college in the arvo yesterday with a nice big choc cake...
Went to Tootsie's for Marc's and ChongWai's birthday dinner...
And continued the celebrations in the halls...
Had more cake... the rummy choc flaky type...
Played some chess...
Took random videos...
Witnessed my first 'taupok'... and another one... quite funny...
So so tired...
Dunno why, but people said I was a bit off, like I had a dose of some stimulant or something...
But well... I'm just tired... and not getting enough sleep... but feeling crazy...
Not much of a routine lately...
And this resource management modelling project is quite draining...
Stupid beetles infesting timber forests...
Thoughts coming in blurps...
I kicked a roadside electricity box last night... somewhat...
And punched a phone booth...
And de-stemmed a few plants by Emperor's Gate...
Gosh I sound like the little alien monster Stich with his destructive tendencies...
But it's not that bad, not that bad... so don't worry...
I just need some physical energy output...

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Friday, March 18, 2005

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Chasing tails

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Resource management field trip

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Monday, March 07, 2005

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Friday, March 04, 2005

Learning to fly

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

General Elections 2005

Tuesday, March 01, 2005