Once every so often you meet somebody from the other end of the spectrum. As in, personality-wise. The moment you meet, you know that it's gonna be a test of endurance and your diplomactic, people skills.
Monica my ex- high school roommate stopped by for a day in Singapore, on her way to Sydney. While here she met up with another friend of hers, a 16-year-old Singaporean, now in high school in Sydney. The three of us rambled along Orchard Road (where else could we go?). This particular 16-year-old, she looked (or dressed, or put on make-up) a few years older. Once I saw her, I knew that she was
the type. We were at the Heeren, and she said she wanted to get a top. What sort of top? She didn't know. Any top. She just wanted a new top for that night. She was gonna go clubbing. Chinablack. And she's only 16. So the first shop we went into (Mon and I were just tagging along), she tried on tight-fitting top which read
I *heart* boobs. The second outlet we went into, she tried on first a black, then a white, laced tube. And all the while she kept complaining that she's fat. Like hell she's fat. If she's fat, I'm obese.
Well finally she got her stuff, and we continued on our way to... nowhere in particular. Just walking along the streets aimlessly. It was then that I learnt she was afraid of birds. Anything with feathers... anything that flies. A pigeon landed close to her. She screamed a shrill scream. My ears squinted - well if they could, they would have. I sighed.
We were right outside Wheelock Place. I knew that the Nature Photographic Society (Singapore) was holding a nature photog exhibition at epSITE, so I thought - why not? Since both Mon and I were into photography.
At the gallery, I was admiring an image of a Pink-necked green pigeon, with its fledgings in a nest. Behind me, the friend squirmed, "Eewww. Yucks. Yucks. That is so disgusting. That's so gross. Eww." I turned around, thinking that she was referring to another picture, of an insect perhaps, but nooo... she was looking at the same pigeon photo. She just kept ewww-ing. I looked at her fixedly, "Please do not say it is disgusting. This is my field of work... this is what I study and do. Do not... call it disgusting." She kept quiet. I look on. Monica patted my back.
I don't usually talk about people on my blog - I don't like to rant about people, if ever, publicly. I don't get offended that easily. But this time... It was barely 4 hours with her and that short period of time was enough to make me feel repelled. My tones and words became cold, and harsh. I was firm. I was disgusted at such immature behaviour (there was more throughout the day) and I just wanted to run away. And c'mon... you're 16... what rush is there to go clubbing? Especially if you're so afraid of getting caught. And what's with all those massively huge square earrings? And random whiney noises? And saying that this year's X'mas decorations are pretty (I personally find them quite horrendous and tasteless)? And...
aww, give me a break.
But I wonder if such fashion-fad-conscious people look at us nature freaks with distaste too. Maybe something like
There's more to life than just grass and butterflies. There's... shopping and dollying up!. Heh.
That aside, it was really good seeing Mon again. Neither of us has changed much... we still see the old us in each other. Nevermind about that friend.
No worries, mate. :)
11 Comments:
one might think that it's the young that should be idealistic, open-minded and able to pursue distant horizons. In societies such as Singapore's where material comforts and immediate rewards are prioritised, it seems this is often not the case.
You should've introduced your opposite to Marvin, I'm sure they'd become super bestest friends in the whole wide world. :-)
Just the other day when I was lunching with my old school mates, they looked at me blankly when I explained what a lichen was - "a symbiotic association between a fungal mycobiont and algal photobiont". I don't think I've ever felt so distant from them.
Afterwards we went necklace shopping.... more on that another time.
Not been able to get a peep out of you.....hope u're ok! Merry Xmas!
Immature? Going out to shop hours on end and screaming at the sight of something one does not like? Are you aware of the culture and lifestyle of an average teenager today? I'm sorry, but I thought you were very ignorant in your judgements.
Is that true? That once you meet somebody from 'the other end of the spectrum', you know you're in for a test of endurance and your people skills? What kind of selfish statement is that? That is probably one of the most arrogant comments I've ever heard. Especially from a person of your expertise. And 'other end of the spectrum'? What. Your spectrum? It's typical of girls to doll up and go to clubs and everything you mentioned. Today. Wake up and smell the social life, man.
Do you have any sense of understanding for the girl? If she hates birds, so be it. Why must you make such a fuss about her different reaction to birds? You're older than her, right? If you are, you wouldn't even be saying such 'immature' things about her ways.
Now you sound like a very mature and good person. This entry made you sound the opposite. You're just as immature as this girl you talk about. If you're going to be RIGHT and PROFESSIONAL about this, you would be understanding and not critical.
I'm not going to be too one-sided here. I know this girl that you're talking about, and I understand that she's whiny, noisy and loves to doll up - but you shouldn't be so critical about it and stereotype people like that as "the" type.
However, putting aside all of this, you're a great photographer. Your gallery is very impressive. I'll cheers with you on that.
Otherwise, watch your words next time. Don't be so critical about things you're not completely clear about. You seem quite oblivious to how our society runs today.
dear kamikaze rae,
in response:
"Are you aware of the culture and lifestyle of an average teenager today? I'm sorry, but I thought you were very ignorant in your judgements."
> i am fully aware. i am aware of it and truth be told, i do not adore that kind of lifestyle at all. your comments only serve to reilliterate the sad state the world is in today: how teenagers think, how they behave, how they spend their time and money. that was one of the main points of my post.
"Is that true? That once you meet somebody from 'the other end of the spectrum', you know you're in for a test of endurance and your people skills? What kind of selfish statement is that? That is probably one of the most arrogant comments I've ever heard. Especially from a person of your expertise. And 'other end of the spectrum'? What. Your spectrum?"
> say what you like. ask her if she'd feel the same if i were to bring her along on a nature photography trip. i don't think she'd be able to stand a whole day with me too, so it's just not for myself. yes, i say 'spectrum'. mine is one end of a spectrum, hers is the other. a spectrum is a gradient... i do not encompass the entire gradient.
"It's typical of girls to doll up and go to clubs and everything you mentioned."
> i'm not sure if this is 'typical'? perhaps just those you hang out with; you speak true for your circle of friends, and me for mine. but certainly not all, nor even most, girls do those things. and being under-aged? you're not only putting yourself on the wrong side of the law, but you're doing yourself a great disservice by subjecting yourself to these kinds of exposure at a young age. you may think it's all thrilling and mature-like, but come a few years later you'll outgrow it. you'll come to find out that it was nothing much, after all. also, not all girls do that.
"Do you have any sense of understanding for the girl? If she hates birds, so be it. Why must you make such a fuss about her different reaction to birds? You're older than her, right? If you are, you wouldn't even be saying such 'immature' things about her ways."
> i do not understand her, nor do i assume that i do. if she's afraid of birds, it may be a genuine phobia and there nothing i may do... i do not criticise her for that nor do/did i try to change her. but you must also understand me. why such a fuss? well... this is my life... my world, my work, my studies, my passion, my joys, my everything... revolve around birds and their habitats... and it greatly saddens and offends me to know that someone expresses so openly their disgust at birds. something that i work and will work my whole life to achieve - to encourage people to appreciate them. imagine if you're a specialised chef, and your whole life is devoted to conjuring the best mushroom dishes any restaurant has to offer... and a patron comes in and goes "yuck, i hate mushroom!" of course you'd be more than disappointed and might take offence to that comment!
"Wake up and smell the social life, man."
> i have a very rich social life, in many places - singapore, sydney then, and london now. and i'm glad i'm in decent and respectable company, and the people i mix with have taken me far. since when did i ever imply that i was living the life of a hermit or that of the frog in the well? i just live a different social life, and i feel privileged so.
"I'm not going to be too one-sided here. I know this girl that you're talking about, and I understand that she's whiny, noisy and loves to doll up - but you shouldn't be so critical about it and stereotype people like that as "the" type."
> i understand where you're coming from as well, and i know that it is only in your interest and hers that you as her friend defend her. but please, this is my blog, not some public forum or discussion group. this is not a yearbook... i do not write to flatter or please. this is my personal space, and i shall say whatever i like however i please, and express my opinions in whichever manner i deem appropriate, even the knowledge that it may offend. this is anecdotal.
with regards to the term 'the type', people in my field would fully be aware of what i mean by 'the' type, as you can see in the comments before yours. people with the same interests as i, who work towards the promotion of the appreciation of nature would only know too well 'the' type of people i speak of. it is a stereotype, i admit, for she does display having the qualities that we'd expect a particular type of person to have. it is this type of people we fear and dread to have to interact with (and educate)... it is this type of people whom, if they populated the entire globe, would result in an ecological disaster and we might as well as all be extinct. it is this type of people who are one of the greatest barriers and challenges we'd encounter in striving to achieve our objectives. sounds lame, sounds pooh, but logical. i do salute you, however, for your efforts.
"Otherwise, watch your words next time. Don't be so critical about things you're not completely clear about. You seem quite oblivious to how our society runs today."
> you tell me to watch my words; you watch yours too. i am COMPLETELY clear about what i'm saying, that i can assure you. do not forget that i grow up in this society as well, even if i do not indulge myself in it, as most other youths do. there is more to this world and a rich, joyful life than dressing up and growing up trying to face up to peer pressure and the demands of society of what a pretty 'young girl' should be. take time to smell the roses. not everything material matters.
what aspirations do you, or your friend, have in life? what benefits for this society you speak so seemingly fondly of, or the greater community, or indeed the world, are there through your activities? what meaning is there to what you do? and how, may i ask, exactly is our society running today?
you may say that i sound immature. gauges of maturity are subjective. at age 16 i do not remember myself behaving the way she did. at age 16 i recall i was already conducting public guided tours on my own. i was coordinating projects spanning asia-pacific. at age 16 i was holding talks for teachers. at age 16 i wasn't impatient to grow up - i don't look my age; i looked a few years younger and i still do - and i didn't have to do what i thought were grown-up things and dress revealingly to make myself feel old. to make myself feel good and to be accepted by society as a maturing girl. i let what i do and how i carry myself speak for myself. also - you were not there on that day. there were other events throughout the day... not only those i mentioned, which speak of her (or my) level of maturity. in fact the entire day's schedule, and in particular the dinner 'plans', were a great disappointment. to me, at least. i was expecting we'd all have dinner together. i was expecting, and expressed my expectation, that we'd all be eating out. now Monica is a friend... a special friend at that... whom i have not met and will not meet for a very long time and any time i can spend with her is greatly treasured. i have been somewhat silently excluded out of the night's activities (and not very tactfully and not what i was hoping for) without so much as an apology or acknowledgement. i had to stage my own exit. it was a sad parting. you will not understand and neither will she, but just let me state that i am far from pleased with how it was done.
widen your horizons. you're all like horses wearing blinkers. i suppose you and your friends are a lost cause; there's no point in carrying this further.
your comments have backfired; you are only proving my implications correct.
i don't like to argue, i don't like to debate. i put poorly in words what i feel strongly about.
when i write such entries in my public blog i am fully prepared to take flak for it, be it from the person the post concerned or whoever finds what i said inappropriate.
it is because my moral right, as they say, has been asserted. my conscience is clear.
Peace out children. There’s no need to fight.... people have their opinions take it or leave it. It’s really up to you. I’m not taking any sites I’m sorry that this is even happening. But like seriously ... chill out people let there be a bit of each spectrum in this world yah? Otherwise ... where do I fit? hahahahah come on people lighten up. It’s not like it's the end of the world. (I’ll try me best not to swear in you r blog Jac.)
Kick me if you must for introducing you two to each other. Just don't fight yah? If you don't think of each other then think of me at least. I’m not going to defend anyone here ok? I know you all, all three of you. But like as if you are ever going have to see each other, ever!
Jac, I know you speaks you mind and it’s your blog you have the right to do what ever… and it’s unfortunate that my friend stumble across this entry. Then again .. I think you should have just say it to her face not in the blog … like similar to talking behind their back …. And I’m sure … if you get to know this girl… she’s not that bad you know? Otherwise … why would I be friends with her if she’s that much difference from me.
Rae, no offence but I don’t think you have any involvement in this. I know you’re trying to defend your friend and like you said … why didn’t like say anything back. The only reason why I would say anything to Jac is that what I say will make things better… but as you all have already seen … does it? So why the fuss…
Um… can’t you just let people be who they want to be or already are? you like birds then you like birds, you hate birds then hate it. It’s not like I don’t care. But just keep it to yourself man… Jac you must understand the girl has a phobia and my friend… whom name has not been mention and I’d like to keep it that way…. Jac likes animals and especially birds. Ok ? are we understanding each other now? Respect each others differences.
Let me tell you again. I’m not taking sides.
I really don’t know what to say and it’s not my place to say anything ... you guys are old enough to think it through yourself before even doing anything. I’m not targeting that to anyone but can’t you both resolve this issue in a nicer way? The grown up way?
Drop it for the sake of me ok? All of you are my friends and why in the world would like want you guys to fight? So please do it for me. Or … like if you don’t want to drop it then … I guess … friend is no longer the description of our relationship. Please don’t make it be that way ? cos I’d kill to have friends like you guys so I wouldn’t want to lose you… any of you.
If you guys are offended by my comments then you know where to find me you all got my number, email and know what I look like. =P
Just let people be who they are and leave it at that, please!
Yea. I was only defending my friend.
And I do not like to be referred to as "the type", ok? Of all "types", you 'label' me as the 'same' as Judy. Don't you dare label someone you hardly know that way.
Yes yes, I did some labelling myself. I sort of labelled you didn't I? Well, it's fair now. But I am NOT like Judy. I don't scream at things. I don't 'doll up'. I am pretty much the total opposite of Judy. I prefer NATURE to MAKEUP. I prefer PHOTOGRAPHY to SHOPPING. Please, please don't make quick assumptions like that. I really didn't like what you said about me. A horse wearing a blinker? Do you think I don't WANT to 'widen my horizons'? Perhaps you have a better life compared to me. Perhaps you were more fortunate in doing such things that you've mentioned. Did you ever think that maybe I wasn't as fortunate as you? Or maybe I was brought up differently?
You've done great when you were my age, which is impressive, I have to say. I don't have the chance to do that. You just made me sound incredible inferior. Thanks for that.
Look, I was just defending my friend. I respect you for who you are. I just didn't think it was very just to blog about someone like that, and have her findout about it without really knowing you. How would you like someone blogging about their bad experience with you, in such strong language? You probably wouldn't give a crap, perhaps, but it's not a good feeling at all.
Just, don't make assumptions like that again. I feel quite offended by what you've said. Thinking that I'm just like Judy. It's not true. I take great offense in your comment about that.
In a way, I am similar to you.
Please, please don't judge a book by its cover like that.
I don't want to argue. I was only defending my friend. I'm sure you'd do the same if it was YOUR really good and close friend. Cheers.
Lol, this is hilarious.
it's all SUBJECTIVE, people, it's all just my own opinions!
criticise me all you like, i don't mind, and i won't care.
impressions count, and i do analyse people by first impressions, and let later encounters change my views.
gosh, just a simple entry, i think my first such entry? and all this fuss. i don't see what the hullabaloo is all about. i read plenty of blogs - those of strangers and those of friends, and many people write about other people they meet this way.
i hadn't felt that strongly about her then, when i was meeting her, for i didn't want to 'explode', if you get my meaning. all this comes after. if i were to start out on a proper friendship with her i'd be all frank and tell her everything i feel, but i don't think i'd just ask for her phone number or email and write to her about my opinions.
ok ok, please just end this.
i feel like yelling a big shut the *beep* up to the world but i'm not the sort for strong language. i hardly used strong language. it was just full of strong emotions.
once again though, i must say i do not condemn that sort of people (forgive me for 'labelling' again here), i just wanted to make a statement that that's not exactly the people i'd like to hang out with. i do not and will not try to change her, or force her to like birds, or anything of that sort.
man, sometimes it's things like this which makes me want to close my blog or keep it passworded for my good friends only.
it's a free world.
and for you, Mon, i shall hold my peace.
Gosh, its true, I don't think I've ever heard you swear.
Free speech - tough titties to those who don't like it. :-)
just re-read your other comment, rae. well i do apologise if i have offended you... i didn't mean to. i wrote what i did in a rush (i had to pack and leave for the airport) and i did just assume that since you sounded like judy then, i thought you were like her too. sorry for that.
anyway, happy new year. let's just forget about all this - it's in the past, yeah?
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