Too many thoughts going round in my head, and it’s not because of that essay-post I wrote earlier.
After going for LSE MSS Nite last night, we went to the halls for Lianglong’s birthday celebration. It was a wild night… a guys’ night… with drinks, lots of taupoking and wrestling. Many incidents throughout that night made me rethink my values and ideals, and those of others, and it also highlighted more boldly the line drawn between girls and guys… as in… the limit to the sort of activities that we’d be willing to engage in. I suppose not having been in the army, and being a girl, these things… this culture… is kind of difficult to accept. But the surprising thing is hearing that these things happen not just in the army, which is understandable, but in schools and junior colleges too. It’s not only the actions themselves that disturb me, but rather the lack of the moral principles involved. Some are not bothered by such incidents at all, some are fully into it, and some – a rare few and it’s usually the girls – simply observe and shake their heads. But it’s all in the name of good fun, and I daresay the guys did enjoy themselves.
I have grown to be a weaker person since I came… putting aside, or ignoring, or overstepping my own beliefs and ideals… some of them anyway… and I attribute it to peer pressure. I am no longer as bold and as firm as I used to be. Sometimes, I do not show half the disgust that I feel inside… half the time it’s ‘cos I know it’ll be futile anyway, and half the time it’s a voice in my head telling me to hop in… and take it easy…
Perhaps I have been living too sheltered a life until now. Perhaps… I’m being too idealistic. I don’t know if I’m thinking too much…
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