Spike: A new J-low

Things look promising for the Australian release of last year's super turkey Gigli. The flick, which stars former couple Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, swept the annual Razzies - the awards that celebrate the worst of Hollywood - at the weekend, making it an almost certain rental favourite when it goes straight to video on March 17. Affleck and Lopez won awards for worst actor and worst actress for their performances, as well as worst screen couple, while the film's creator, Martin Brest, scooped worst director and screenwriter. The film missed out on gongs in the worst supporting actor and actress categories with a Razzie going to Sylvester Stallone (Spy Kids 3D: Game Over) and Demi Moore (Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle). Gigli failed to break the record for most Razzies, a dubious honour that still belongs to Showgirls and Battlefield Earth, which took seven each. The Razzies, now in their 24th year, are chosen by the 617 Golden Raspberry Award Foundation members throughout 39 US states and 15 foreign countries. The awards themselves, a golden raspberry atop a mangled reel of film, are handed out on the eve of the Academy Awards in a less-than-glittering ceremony in a conference room.
- posted by Husky

 
Column 8

Roger Cameron of Marrickville wants to congratulate CityRail staff on their "proactive, safety-aware, customer-focused approach to carriage maintenance", demonstrated yesterday near Wynyard. Travelling north at about 9.45am he heard the guard laconically announce: "Would the passengers travelling in the car with the open door please kick it . . . it will then close".
- posted by Husky

 
Column 8

Congratulations to all those spritely 84-year-olds who will finally be turning 21 tomorrow, Sunday, February 29. Two of those to receive the keys to the door will be Aub Bennett of Eastwood and Peter Gibson of Balgowlah. Interesting to note that Aub and Peter both served in World War II at the tender age of five. They started young in those days.
- posted by Husky

 
Column 8

During the recent heat wave, Kerry Thomas of Goulburn came home from work to find, on two consecutive nights, a bewildered looking frog on the floor in her bedroom and a blue-tongue lizard relaxing in the loungeroom. Both were set free in the backyard but she is still wondering how they got inside in the first place, given that she made a special effort to shut the place to keep out the heat. There's no chimney and, yes, the toilet seat was down. Any theories?
- posted by Husky

 
Column 8

Lisa Williams from the Glen Innes Examiner reports that a chook has set up what appears to be a one-hen protest outside the local KFC outlet on the busy New England highway. The chicken, identified as an elderly and scruffy white leghorn, has made its home in the median strip gardens directly opposite the fast-food outlet. Most days she can be seen scratching away happily in full view of the diners. "No word on what effect her presence has had on sales of snack packs," says Lisa.
- posted by Husky

 
Spike: Quote unquote

'I used to watch the Oscars, sitting in my dressing gown in front of the heater with my sister. It was just like some far-off land.'

- Nicole Kidman shares fond childhood memories with The Sunday Telegraph's Melissa Hoyer. Far-off land all right. Spike can't help but wonder what fantasy land Kidman is talking about or if the many years she has spent in the United States have confused her a little. The Oscars have always been screened in the height of summer here in Sydney, so we can't imagine how much need the Kidmans would have had for the family heater in early March.

As for wearing a dressing gown - surely they don't do things that differently on the North Shore?
- posted by Husky

 
Column 8

Thanks to Ein Anderer, of Forestville, for pointing out that, since Frank Sartor's ministry has changed its name to Energy, Utilities and Sustainability, department emails now go to [person's name]@deus.nsw.gov.au Latin scholars will know that deus is the word for God. "Any comment from Lucy Turnbull?" wonders Ein.

Chris Hales, of Kensington, was at Central Station on Saturday waiting for the 4.06pm to Penrith when the 3.58pm to Olympic Park pulled in. An automated voice announced that "this train is delayed by approximately 0 minutes. CityRail apologises for the inconvenience." Now it appears they are even apologising for trains that are running on time. The train to Penrith also ran on time, but without an apology.
- posted by Husky

 
Spike: Have an early night

It's no wonder the sexes don't understand each other. The moods of men and women coincide only once a day, at a time when many of them are already asleep, according to a study by the marketing company MindShare.

By quizzing 1640 people up and down the eastern seaboard, the survey attempted to map their moods during the course of a typical working day.

Emotional roller-coasters, it suggests, leave women stressed until 9am, happy until 4pm, then stressed again until 10pm and relaxed thereafter. But - surprise, surprise - men are just as volatile, feeling relaxed until 9am, tense until 7pm, excited until 10pm and finally relaxed again.

Crunch the numbers (or graph them, as the marketers like to do) and you'll find the two sexes are only in a relaxed mood together after 10pm.

Could the antidote to Australia's declining population be as simple as staying up until after the late news, and then going go to bed?
- posted by Husky

 
Spike: Jilted Ken's revenge

For the first time since being dumped by Barbie, his girlfriend of 43 years, Ken, has spoken out about his relationship anguish. In what the London tabloid The Sun called a world exclusive interview, Ken revealed to reporter Sindy Doll on Saturday that he was devastated to be ditched for a young Australian surfer toy boy named Blaine.

"I'm still in a state of shock," he said. "Ever since we split, my head has been in a spin and I admit I have turned to the booze to block it out. But I'm coming through it and I aim to bounce back with a real woman. I'm back on the market and looking for somebody not so plastic as Barbie."

Fans have been bombarding the Barbie Fan Club website with calls for a Blaine boycott since the story broke last week, and commentators have grappled with the news.

"It's a nightmare," wrote Andrea King Collier in The Washington Post. "In long-term unions such as theirs, there is so much property and real estate to split up. Who will get the Barbie mansion? What about the Barbie Malibu Beach house? And the Barbie Corvette?"

Speculation over the reason for the split has been rife, ranging from Barbie's overachieving, to Ken's sexuality, his refusal to commit to marriage, and his, erm, anatomical incorrectness - which led one columnist to suggest it might have been "rubbing her up the wrong way".
- posted by Husky